


I Love You, Good Bye

by saranghandei



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21617452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saranghandei/pseuds/saranghandei
Summary: Jibeom was diagnosed with stage 5 of chronic kidney disease and Jaehyun wasn't ready to face it.
Relationships: Bong Jaehyun/Kim Jibeom
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	I Love You, Good Bye

It has only been two months when Jibeom started his hemodialysis treatment for stage 5 chronic kidney disease. It was so wrong of them to assume that he had recovered after the transplant a year ago. It came to him as fast as they thought Jibeom had it well. Jaehyun and Jibeom came home from an anniversary trip when Jibeom experience extreme nausea and pain on his lower back, he collapsed. 

The news of Jibeom diagnosed with stage 5 CKD, Jaehyun felt his soul just left him. He threw a fit at first, too scared to even visit Jibeom at the hospital. He spent days crying, mulling over Jibeom's condition. His parents even took drastic measures to knock a sense on him. That's when he realized he wasn't the only one's hurting. 

The first few days in the hospital were so difficult, seeing Jibeom vomit all his guts out horrified Jaehyun he even fainted on the spot. Jibeom turned very pale and skinny from all the medications he underwent. He looked extremely opposite from the old Jibeom he was back then. His expressive large eyes turned sad. His bright smile and laughter turned into a frown and painful cries. His kind and patient nature turned into a ticking bomb, he could explode any moment. All the reasons why Jaehyun fell in love with him were all gone in a blink of an eye. 

Jibeom would wake up in the middle of the night, tossing any objects on his reach. Broken glasses, utensils, and food scattered on the floor and although Jaehyun only had a nap after being awake for almost 48 hours, he would clean everything up. He would always tell himself that, "It's okay, Jaehyun. Jibeom had it worst. He is Kim Jibeom the man you love." Again and again, countless of times he repeated that line on his mind. Jibeom never gave up on him when Jaehyun had a worse depression back in their university days, and Jaehyun had sworn he will never give up on Jibeom too. 

  
One day, he arrived in the hospital late noon. Jibeom's parents let him go home last night to have a good rest at least because he's been living in the hospital for almost a month now. On his way, he bought a flower Jibeom's usually fond of and a scented candle Jibeom likes to light in their bedroom. It has been months since the last time they had a good conversation and Jaehyun missed it so much he would like to try tonight. He was wishful that day. 

He smiled while gripping the knob tightly. His heart was racing but the thought of having a good time with Jibeom comforted him. He slowly wound the knob and slid the door open. Jaehyun released a big huff before he stepped in. 

"Jibeom I bought your favorite-" 

Jaehyun was sure he was smiling brightly when he entered but his smile faltered the moment he spotted Jibeom's bed, empty. "Jibeom?" he called softly.

"Jibeom, I'm back," he called again. 

Jaehyun walked to the comfort room and leaned his ear flat against the door to listen if he could hear Jibeom inside, but it was quiet. 

Jaehyun fiddled on his phone, starting to get alarmed as to Jibeom's whereabouts. Jaehyun had this attitude to overthink and he hoped he's wrong. 

"H-hello? Taek, w-where's Jibeom? D-does he have a scheduled scan or check-ups today? He's not in his ward."

"Jaehyun, relax. He doesn't have one and try to look at the comfort room maybe he's in there," sensing Jaehyun's restlessness, Youngtaek passed his rounds to the other doctor and excuses himself. "I thought his parents are with him, where are they?" 

"I... I don't know. Can you come up here, please? I don't feel really good. I'll try checking the bathroom again." 

"I'm on my way, Jaehyun. Relax, okay?" 

  
Jaehyun slowly approached the comfort room again. He knocked twice before opening the door, "Jibeom?"

Jaehyun's eyes almost popped out of his sockets when he saw Jibeom on the floor, with blood all over his hospital gown. 

"JIBEOM!!" He ran immediately and gathered his lover in his arms. "Jibeom oh God! J-J-Jibeom... J-Jibeom wake up!! HELP!!!! HELP! SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP!!" Jaehyun shouted at the top of his lungs. His tears were like waterfalls flowing on his cheeks and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. "Jibeom... Jibeom..."

Youngtaek which was Jibeom's doctor together with the other nurses responded immediately and thankfully, Jibeom was saved. Apparently, Jibeom slit his arm to attempt suicide. Jaehyun stood there like a blank paper, lifeless but his eyes still weeping and lips quivering. His mind was fuzzy and his heart hurt like hell. What if he lost Jibeom in such time he didn't expect?

Youngtaek on the other hand just wanted to punch Jibeom straight on the face but looking at the sight of Jaehyun, he decided to let the two settle the situation themselves. No matter how much he wanted to comfort Jaehyun, he knew he can't. 

Right after the doctor and nurses left, Jaehyun slowly dragged his feet near Jibeom's bed. He kneeled and held Jibeom's hand gently. He wanted to scream, he wanted to slap Jibeom's face but he's too weak to even croaked out a single word. He only cried while holding his boyfriend's hand. Pressing his cold hand on his warm cheeks. 

"Jaehyun, stop." He heard Jibeom spoke after a while. 

Jaehyun looked up and saw Jibeom facing his head on the opposite side. "Just... stop and leave me alone while I'm asking you nicely." Albeit weakly, Jibeom wriggled his hand trying to detach it from Jaehyun's hold. 

_Nice?_ Jaehyun thought that was the first time after a long time Jibeom spoke to him softly. The past months were just yelling and grunting. But behind the soft-spoken words was a hint of firmness. Jaehyun let loose the grip of his hands cupping Jibeom's. 

"Nice?" Jaehyun huffed. "Do you even know what that word means? What... what was that Jibeom? A-are you trying t-to t-t-take your own lif-" 

"Yes!" bellowed Jibeom angrily. "Yes, I am! I want... I want this to stop. This!" Jibeom raised his arms with needles and tubes. "I... Jaehyun I just want everything to stop! I want the pain to stop, I want the vomiting, headaches to stop, I want it all gone! I want to rest I badly want to rest, you don't know what I'm feeling because..." Jibeom's chest was heaving and he was seemingly out of breath. He was crying but he's determined. "I want you to stop coming, I want you to stop worrying, hurting and I want you to... just leave me... I am not the Kim Jibeom you knew, I am ugly, weak, unhealthy, dir...ty... Just go!" 

Jaehyun was looking straight at Jibeom's own eyes. His face painted with fear and agony. Yes, Jibeom looked totally different Jaehyun would freak out every single time Jibeom yelled at him. But he is still Kim Jibeom and Jaehyun's feelings won't change in an instant. 

"And... And that was your solution... To just take your life without even saying goodbye?" his voice trailed off. "Jibeom... I don't want to stop, okay? Every minute, every second I want to fight for you. No matter how hard it may seem, no matter how tired and painful I don't want to stop because I don't want you gone forever. Jibeom, love, I know the pain I'm feeling now is way far compared to you, I know you are tired and I know it is very selfish of me but I am not just ready yet love... I am... not ready..." Jaehyun felt his heart torn into pieces. Maybe if Jibeom dies, he'll die too. The fact that he wouldn't be able to find this man next to him was Jaehyun's greatest nightmare. 

"To face the future without you is my greatest fear. I'd rather have you screamed at me every day, cursed at me and pushed me away... I'd rather live in this hospital... As long as I can see you, I can feel you t-that's okay for me... It's more than enough to hear you breathing..." Jaehyun reached his hand and cupped Jibeom's slim cheek. "Please... Just a little bit more, okay? Don't leave me yet, I'm begging you love..." He leaned closer so his forehead touched Jibeom's. "P-please..." 

They stayed like that, feeling the heart of each other, beating but badly broken. Jibeom slowly brought his arms around Jaehyun. Caressing his warm back slowly, while feeling Jaehyun's warmth spreading all over his body. The thought of leaving Jaehyun behind was Jibeom's greatest fear too. He can't do anything when Jaehyun's all over him, pleading to fight a little longer. 

-

  
After the heart-breaking confrontation, Jaehyun found himself inside Youngtaek's office. He was holding a warm cup of coffee while leaning his back comfortably against the soft mattress of the couch. 

Youngtaek tapped his fingers, pondering whether he should speak to Jaehyun who's mind seemed lost far away. Just as he was about to talk, Jaehyun beat him to it. " You know... What if I didn't give my phone number when Jibeom asked for it back in the university? What if I accepted your love instead of Jibeom's since after all, you are my best friend and had known each other for a long time? I guess I wouldn't be in this state right now, crying over my dying boyfriend." Youngtaek's eyes widened upon hearing Jaehyun's remark. "I wouldn't be wiping someone's vomit and staying up all night just to check whether he is in a comfortable position. I wouldn't be in a hurry as if tomorrow's a deadline. I wouldn't be as unhappy as I am right now... My heart wouldn't be as heavy as this..." Jaehyun paused in two heartbeats, smiling sadly as he continued. "But... No matter how I tried to imagine a future with you which is bright and happy, my heart still chooses the future with Jibeom. This..." He pointed at his heart, "Jibeom conquered this big time," Jaehyun chuckled. "Sometimes, I can feel exhaustion surged my entire body and I just wanted to forget everything that's painful. But heck I just love Jibeom so much. Out of all people why him..." 

"Jaehyun..."

"Taek... What will I become if Jibeom... If J-Jibeom... I can't-" 

Youngtaek instantly hushed Jaehyun and embraced his best friend. He still loves Jaehyun just as he did for the past years. If only he could take away all the pain, but Youngtaek knew that even though Jaehyun can turn back time, he would still choose Jibeom again and again. Get hurt over and over again. Because Youngtaek knew, that Jibeom too, would move the mountains just to find Jaehyun. Jibeom would go anywhere in the world for Jaehyun. It's just so sad that the ending won't be as beautiful as their love story. 

Jaehyun pulled away from the hug and wiped his tears. "I should go back now. I should be at my home, as it's leaving me soon. I... I should be spending time with him, every beat counts..." 

Youngtaek only nodded. "Jaehyun, you know I am here for you. Will always be."

-

Jaehyun woke up from a soft pat he felt on his hair. He looked up only to see Jibeom smiling at him. 

"Do you need anything? Water?" 

Jibeom shook his head. 

"Jaehyun..." Jibeom's gaze was soft, just as what it was back then. Jaehyun thought he could melt. "Let's go home." 

If it wasn't because of Jibeom's words, Jaehyun thought the time went back to when Jibeom was still healthy. His gaze, his handsome face, his soft smile that captured his heart. But Jibeom wanting to go home meant a different thing. A devastating one. 

Jaehyun shook his head," No..." He started tearing up again. "Jibeom, please..." 

"Jaehyun, shhh..." Jibeom cupped his boyfriend's cheek and caressed the wet skin. "I don't want to spend my entire lifeline here, with these needles. This place makes me sick." Jibeom lips twitched up again. "I promise I will stay with you until you're ready. Hm? I will fight... a little longer..." 

Jaehyun didn't answer. Instead, he brought his body to Jibeom's hugging the slim frame tightly. 

-

As per Jibeom's request, they went back home. It was a good decision. Jibeom started to get cheerful again. But Jaehyun was scared. No nurses, no doctors nor emergency rooms to rush Jibeom. He knew deep in his heart, Jibeom was only forcing himself. He saw Jibeom trying, he wanted to work harder too. 

They tried to get back to their lifestyle, except that Jaehyun stopped working. He stayed home all day and Jibeom was glad. They watched movies, cuddled in bed, ate meals together, took a bath together. They spent almost every day like it's the last day. 

"Love?" Jibeom whispered while caressing Jaehyun's hair, head resting on his chest. It was almost midnight and they cuddled warmly in the bed. 

"Hmm?" 

"Will you be okay?" 

The question stunned Jaehyun, but as the days passed by, he knew Jibeom really won't last long. Jaehyun shifted so he could meet Jibeom's eyes. He shook his head. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry because I can't be with you until eternity. I'm-" 

Jaehyun silenced his boyfriend by kissing him on the lips. Those thin lips he will always love to press his own. Those lips he will surely miss. They kissed long and sweet. 

"I won't be okay and I will never be," Jaehyun answered after they broke the kiss. "I love you so much, so so much Jibeom. And this love will keep you alive, here in my heart. My love, my only home. Thank you for being with me even if it's just a short time." Jaehyun shut his eyes letting all the waters flow. "This is the most difficult part and I will hate you for this but..." It took Jaehyun minutes to continue because his throat was dry and his heart hurt so much. "I guess I will never be ready but I don't want you to go without me saying goodbye...You may rest well now, my love," he whispered before burying his face to the crook of Jibeom's neck, inhaling the scent he will no longer smell for a long time.

"I love you, goodbye," Jibeom whispered back and closed his eyes. Jibeom wanted to say more. Wanted to say how sorry he was. He could only wish the heavens to watch over the love of his life. 

Jaehyun knew it was the last night, last hug, last kiss, last I love You. Despite the pain that was suffocating Jaehyun, the thought of Jibeom being in a better place consoled his heart. 

When he woke up the next day, Jibeom looked like he was sleeping peacefully. Jaehyun didn't cry a lot. But his heart died with Jibeom. He knew they will meet again, not too soon but they will. 

_"Goodbye, love..."_


End file.
